I'm back! I wish I could say I was off swimming with the sea life in Bora Bora. However, I've been listening to a lot of 80s Rap music courtesy of the Klopek's next door. At least they have decent taste in music, but I am burned out on Run DMC!
That being said, we are fast approaching a holiday known to most as Halloween. To those in Third World countries, it is known as WTF night!! While parents in those nations are scrounging to put food on their tables, children here in the states have the potential to bring back two pillowcases full of teeth-rotting surgary delights. Although, I must say that the times are quite different. When I was a kid, we were out trick-or-treating from about 5pm until 2am. One year I brought back 3 pillowcases full. When one bag would fill up, I'd stop by home and my Dad would go through my candy do make sure some psycho didn't put a razor blade in a Kit-Kat. I knew the houses that gave away full-size candy bars. My friends and I would bring an extra scary mask just so we could hit up those homes twice! We also knew which homes gave away baggies of 10 pennies each. That's bullshit if you ask me. And, of course I avoided Dr. (his name shall be left out for his own protection), our neighborhood dentist who gave away toothbrushes. TOOTHBRUSHES!! It was bad enough that I had to have him as a neighbor, let alone being so cheap not to go out and buy candy to give away. He just raided his toothbrush closet at work and brought them all home. Lame. There would be so many kids going door-to-door that cars wouldn't be able to drive down the street. It was a different time. An innocent time. Nowadays, kids have to worry about getting beat up for their candy. How I long for a return to the innocence of my youth.
In conjunction with Halloween, we in the Detroit area have another holiday tradition. The night before Halloween is known as Devil's Night. For us in the suburbs, it consisted of going out late with friends and throwing eggs and/or T-P-ing the neighborhood douchebag or curmudgeon. Simple. It was all in good fun. However, in Detroit proper, they had a different idea of Devil's Night. There, it consisted of arson. Literally. And I'm not talking about some small fire in a metal trash can. I'm talking about burning down homes and abandoned buildings. (If you think I'm kidding, SEE PHOTO ABOVE). Cars would be pushed over. Gunshots are heard throughout the city. But, in the late 90s, the city took major steps to curb these criminal incidents. Now, instead of 100 structures being destroyed, there are a measly 2 or 3 structures burned and destroyed. What is this world coming to, I ask!? Just as it was tradition for me to throw eggs at Mr. Mean Neighbor's house, so too should the tradition of arson live amongst the people of Detroit. This entire turn of events started when kids had to start wearing helmets while riding their bikes. I rode my bike without a helmet. And, yes, I tumbled and fell off plenty of times. I even had a concussion which left me temporary paralyzed on the left side of my body. But I survived and ended up normal (to most people's standards). So what if I could only turn right for 3 months. Or omitted all vowels from my speech for 13 months. Or thought that it was 1914 for 3 years in a row. I'm fine now and all the better for my childhood experiences. We're heading for disaster when our children can't be children. Now, I'm not advocating setting fire to homes, except that of my neighbors, the Klopek's (but that's an entirely different story). I am saying that kids should be kids and run free, explore, build forts, set fire to ants with a magnifying glass, experiment with hallucinogens, and read the Magna Carta, as all children wish they had the right to do.
Just something to think about.
Something else to think about...
What is your favorite Halloween costume of all time? Mine, you ask? Well, I would have to say that my favorite Halloween costume ever was the "Used Mattress Salesman". I will look for a picture and scan it and add it to this article soon.
Until then, I wish everyone a Happy, Healthy, and FUN Halloween. Also check out the pic above of my pumpkin I carved last night. He's missing his teeth in honor of all the children that will get cavities this year from all the candy they will eat! :)
Boo!
